Let Go of the Word “Shoulds”

by Psychology Roots
12 views
A+A-
Reset

Let Go of the Word “Shoulds”

Here in this post, we are discussing “Let Go of the Word “Shoulds””.  You can read more about psychology-related material on our website. Keep visiting Psychology Roots.

Have you ever noticed how often we use the word “should” in our daily lives? Consider the story of a three-year-old girl at her birthday party, who became fixated on having the whole rose on her cake. Despite the presence of her friends and a plethora of presents, her obsession with what she “should” have had consumed her. The truth is, the word “should” can be a dangerous and limiting mindset. Let’s explore why we should consider dropping the “shoulds” from our lives.

Let Go of the Word Shoulds
Let Go of the Word Shoulds

Our natural inclinations towards what feels good and values can turn into harmful internal rules when they become “shoulds,” “musts,” and “gottas.” This can lead to feelings of being driven, righteous, or like a failure, and can even create issues for others. At their core, “shoulds” are not about external events, but rather, they are about what we want to experience emotionally and physically when our demands on reality are met, or what we fear we’ll experience if they’re not.

These “shoulds” are often deeply ingrained in our minds and operate unconsciously, making them even more powerful. In a sense, they control us, limiting our experiences and actions.

However, imagine the feeling of letting go of these “shoulds” in a difficult situation or relationship. The result is likely to be one of relaxation, ease, and freedom. It’s possible to pursue our wholesome aims without being chained to these limiting beliefs.

How

It’s important to note that the suggestions below do not promote harmful behavior towards yourself or others, nor do they encourage you to be a doormat. You can still act ethically and assertively while letting go of your “shoulds.”

Think of a situation or relationship that is causing you distress and identify the central “should” in your reaction, such as “this can’t happen” or “they must treat me this way.” This “should” is a statement about reality and the way things are.

Next, ask yourself if this “should” is really true. You may come to realize that the things you feel you must have, or the things that you believe must not happen, often do not align with reality. This does not mean that you should give up on making the world a better place or let others off the hook morally. Rather, it’s about recognizing that reality exists independently of our rules and abstractions.

This recognition of truth can lead you to experience things more directly, free from conceptualizing and mental constraints. This feeling of clarity, peace, and freedom can be liberating.

Once again, think about the situation or relationship that is causing you distress. This time, look for a deeper “should” related to an experience you feel you must have or avoid. For example, “I can’t bear to be alone,” or “I must be successful.” Then ask yourself, “Is it really true?”

You will likely find that you are more resilient and capable than you think, and that you could survive even the worst possible outcome if your “should” is violated. Although it may be difficult, dropping the “shoulds” allows you to be vulnerable to life and the difficult feelings that come with it. We use “shoulds” to shield ourselves from pain and loss, but they only deceive us into believing that our rules will hold back life’s inevitable challenges.

When we drop the “shoulds” and open ourselves up to life’s experiences, we reduce the resistance created by our own expectations and allow ourselves to be lifted and carried by the beautiful stream of life. It’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean harming ourselves or others, or becoming a doormat. Instead, it’s about recognizing the impermanence of reality and being open to whatever it brings. Finally, consider how others see the situation or relationship, and whether your own “shoulds” conflict with theirs. Being aware of this can be a humbling experience.

Examples of Letting Go of “Should”

Here are a few examples of how you can let go of “should”:

  1. Instead of saying “I should exercise every day,” say “I want to take care of my body and feel better, so I’m going to find ways to move more.”
  2. Instead of saying “I must finish this project by the end of the day,” say “I want to finish this project as soon as possible, but I’ll prioritize my tasks and do my best with the time I have.”
  3. Instead of saying “I can’t believe they treated me this way, they should have known better,” say “I wish they had treated me differently, but I can’t control their actions. I can only control my response and how I move forward.”
  4. Instead of saying “I have to go to this event even though I don’t want to,” say “I value my time and energy, so I’m going to decline this invitation and take care of myself instead.”

Help Us Improve This Article

Have you discovered an inaccuracy? We put out great effort to give accurate and scientifically trustworthy information to our readers. Please notify us if you discover any typographical or grammatical errors.
Make a comment. We acknowledge and appreciate your efforts.

Share With Us

If you have any scale or any material related to psychology kindly share it with us at psychologyroots@gmail.com. We help others on behalf of you.

Follow

Related Posts

Adblock Detected

Please support us by disabling your AdBlocker extension from your browsers for our website.